No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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