put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
