I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
