running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
