Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm passing your future prison.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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