I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize