If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
