apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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