can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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