my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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