Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
