I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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