She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
