listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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