paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i now understand why vodka
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
