Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
