I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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