you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
