in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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