I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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