I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
