I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
