Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
