Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
