If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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