Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
