Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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