who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
