I'm passing your future prison.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
