I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
