Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
