I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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