On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
