trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
