Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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