Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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