I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
