I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
