I just pynch a tree in the face
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
