I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
