you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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