Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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