Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
