you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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