Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
