I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
