Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A bitchslap is in order.
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