covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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