feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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