I accidentally burped into my bong.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
