I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
