what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
