He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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