I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
