you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
