I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
