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I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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