I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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