my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
