He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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