i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
