I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
