I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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