Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
