I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
