dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
