On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize