So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
