Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize