She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
