im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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